“The trick is to realize that you’re always doing what you want to do… always. Nobody’s making you do anything. Once you get that, you see that you’re free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you. You choose.” from “The Answer Man”

The first time I heard these words, it really blew my mind. I had to pause the movie just to write it down. (I don’t remember much else about the movie – I think it was alright. But man, oh man, this quote stuck with me). I choose. Me. Whatever I want. So often, we’re conditioned to think that we have to live or be a certain way. I have to go to college and get a degree. I have to get a steady job. I have to get married and make babies. We feel these expectations; from our parents, our colleagues, or maybe even just ourselves. Society tells us how we SHOULD live our lives, and we listen.

I used to buy in to all of that. It’s almost like I was sleepwalking through my own life; living in a reactive state where I was trying to be the person I was supposed to. I mean, if I get the degree, get the job, and make the babies, then I will be happy/content/fulfilling my responsibilities as a human being, right? Um, not so much.

It’s so empowering to know, really know deep down in my core, that I get to choose. There are no right or wrong answers. While my actions will most definitely have consequences, I am never “trapped”. In a job. In a relationship. In my life. Over and over, each moment of every day, I get to choose how I want to live. Who I want to be.

What does this really have to do with yoga, you might ask? The awareness that I gain through my practice allows me to stay “awake”. Of course I’m still influenced every single day by urges telling me I should or shouldn’t do something. But, thanks to yoga, I am better able to see those urges for what they are, pause for a breath, and choose what I want. I get to create my own reality. I am in control of my own life.

It just goes to show you never know where inspiration will strike you. Who knew a couple lines from a movie would cause such a profound awakening? Yep, think I might just go back and watch that movie again. See if there are any other pearls of wisdom just waiting to be discovered.

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” John Wayne

It was pointed out to me yesterday that I’m really putting myself “out there” by writing this blog. I was reminded that this is indeed bigger than just the Pilgrimage community, and that (yikes!) people are actually reading these entries. Holy cow. This realization brought me face to face with a good friend of mine. . . fear.

So, in turn, I’ve decided to write about courage. You see, I made a choice long ago (about the time I started practicing yoga) to lean into my fears. Being scared of something is hard. It’s uncomfortable. Running away, avoiding, denying. . . these are all ways of “dealing” with fear. But if we don’t turn around and take a good hard look at what scares us, how will we ever be free of it? And this is where courage comes in.

As our good friend John Wayne said, true courage is not the lack of fear, but instead being terrified of something and doing it anyway. It is a conscious choice to say “Hi. I see you (fill in the blank with your fear of choice). I will not let you run my life. I acknowledge and respect you, but I’m gonna go ahead and not listen to you. Thanks for giving me this chance to grow.”

I find opportunities to practice courage often while on my mat, but there’s one particular pose that does it every time. And no, it’s not a full inversion or some level 3 arm balance. It’s urdhva danurasana. Or full wheel, if you’re not a Sanskrit-loving geek like me. Every time this pose is offered to me I have to pause, inhale deeply, and literally brace myself. The voice in my head says loud and clear “You don’t need this; go ahead and take bridge instead. You can do this one next time.” I’m not even kidding. Every. Single. Time. This is what comes up. I made it all the way to teacher training before I even attempted to press up into this backbend. At first I could only hold it for a few seconds. Over time, I’ve gained strength and flexibility; it’s not even super physically challenging for me anymore. But that voice is still there. There’s just something about pressing my heart up, trusting my hands to hold me, and opening up my entire front body that confronts me in a way no other pose does.

Now, instead of heeding the loud voice in my head telling me to avoid and run away, I listen for the quiet one that says “It’s ok. You can do this.” Sometimes it’s hard to hear; the voice of my inner fears can be very demanding and convincing. But the little voice is there too. Nudging me on. And so I do it. I press up. Whether I come down smiling or crying, I know I have grown.

Next time you realize you’re acting out of fear, pause. Take a deep breath in. It’s ok to be afraid; we all are. But perhaps instead of listening to your fear, examine it. Be with it for a little while. Then maybe, just maybe, saddle up. Summon up the courage that I know you’ve got, and just give your fears a big ol’ “Yee-Haw!”

It’s fall. Autumn. Harvest time. I love me some So-Cal weather, but I have to say that I do miss fall in the Mid-West. The leaves change from rich greens to a myriad of golds and reds. There are only a couple weeks there where the weather is perfect; the air turns crisp, there’s not a cloud in the sky. There’s just something about this season that makes me want to wear mittens and drink hot apple cider by an outdoor fire as I watch the last rays of the sun peak over a tree-filled horizon.

But alas, here in good old San Diego that is simply not meant to be. I’ve traded deciduous trees for palms, crisp air for balmy, rolling hills for crashing waves; am I really gonna complain about that? Nope, but I do enjoy reminiscing. However, one thing about fall is the same just about anywhere you go in America; Daylight Savings Time.

This weekend we gain an hour of sleep on Saturday night. While I’m thoroughly going to enjoy staying snuggled under the covers for an extra hour for that one precious night, I know that each year the early sunsets throw me off. Darkness so soon in the evening presents a challenge for my light-loving personality. Staying motivated in the evening becomes increasingly difficult for me as the sun sets earlier and earlier. Each year I find myself envying bears. Why can’t I just eat a bunch of food, sleep for a few months, and re-awaken when the sun stays up for longer? Sounds like a great plan to me!

But alas, instead I find my way to my mat. I love hot yoga any time of the year, but once the weather starts to get chilly here (let’s be honest. . .it never TRULY gets cold!), there’s something comforting about walking into a heated room. Surrounded by other yogis who are settling into their spaces, saying their hellos and exchanging hugs. It keeps me inspired. Keeps me grounded. As I flow through my practice I breathe in the warmth, feel the sweat on my skin, feel the heat in my bones. Each time I leave with a new sense of connection and gratitude. It is that feeling that keeps me coming back; even when it’s dark, even when I’m tired, even when the couch and a good book are calling to me.

So to the early darkness I say “Thank you!” Thanks for pushing me, for making me dig a little deeper within myself to find that extra energy, and for reminding me that without the long nights, I might not realize just how precious the extended days of summer truly are.

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” (Doug Coupland)

I love dressing up for Halloween. There’s something child-like about putting on a costume. It’s playful. It gives you a chance to be free. But past the age of 10 or so, it may start to seem a bit ridiculous. Society tells us that the older we get, the more “mature” we should behave. Halloween is essentially seen as a holiday for children; adults are merely to either a) accompany children while they beg for candy or b) hand out candy to the aforementioned beggars. I would like to use this platform as a way to state my utter disapproval of this line of thinking.

As Mr. Coupland states, it takes courage to put on a costume. To step outside of our comfort zone. The fear of being judged often runs deep in us. We care so much what other people think. From the clothes we wear to the cars we drive, we judge ourselves and others by outward appearances.

Yoga teaches us to go within. To let go. To accept ourselves as we are. These are the tools which help us embrace our fears. Especially that good old fear of being judged. For me, teaching has been the most beneficial tool in learning to let go. To stop caring so much what other people think. Because what I’ve found, especially in the Pilgrimage community, is that the more I let go, open up, and allow my own self to shine through, the more accepted I feel.

Now, I may not dress up every day, but you will see me sporting my new favorite panda hat. Oh yes, friends, you read it right. Panda hat. I’m a little bit silly, and have always been so, but I don’t think even a year ago I would have had the courage to wear a panda hat every day; no matter how much I wanted to. Now, somehow yoga has helped me love myself enough not to care what other people think. And you know what I’ve found? People smile when they see me. Whether they’re laughing at or with me doesn’t really matter. They giggle, and I smile too. Happiness is contagious.

So, if you’re thinking about it, wear those cat ears to work. Dress up like a zombie to get your groceries. Don a mask for your evening walk. Why not? Have the courage to play, I say. And maybe, just maybe, even treat yourself to some candy afterwards.

When I tell people that I’m a yoga instructor, more often than not the reply I get is “Oh, yeah, yoga. I’m not flexible enough to do yoga.” Hmmm. . . that excuse has never really made a lot sense to me. You GET flexible by doing yoga, not the other way around!

I do get it; people think that to do yoga they have to be able to do the crazy, twisty, pretzel poses which adorn the covers of magazines and yoga books. They think “Heck, I can’t even touch my toes. How am I going to get my leg behind my ear to do THAT!!!!” Let me share a little secret. Don’t tell anyone, ok? I can’t get my leg behind my ear, either. And guess what. . . that’s just fine by me. (I was in a level 3-4 Anusara class once where a woman actually tucked her leg behind her head then STOOD UP! I simply closed my eyes, returned to my breath, and enjoyed the feeling of the most basic variation of the pose. That kind of flexibility is rare, and absolutely not required to practice yoga!)

One of my favorite things to say in class is “It doesn’t matter how deeply you go into a pose. It only matters how deeply you breathe.” To me this is the essence of yoga. While pushing yourself and exploring your limits on your mat can be a wonderful source of growth, it is not at all a requirement. There is so much to be learned by simply taking the time to breathe, to listen to your body, and to feel the openness gained by practicing yoga. Whether you can touch your toes or not, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll leave even the most gentle yoga class feeling a little more open, a little more grounded, and maybe even a little more connected.

So now, the question I ask those people is “Are you MENTALLY flexible enough to do yoga?” Can you let go of any preconceived notions you may have and open your mind to the possibility of something more? I think we all can. Each time we choose to step on our mats, we connect with ourselves a little more deeply. So by the time we CAN do the crazy -twisty-pretzel-poses, we get that physical bendy-ness isn’t really that important after all.

1. What first brought you to yoga?
I first tried asana practice as a remedy for severe back pains I was experiencing after years of football and weightlifting. After a rather short period of time, I began the practice of yoga as a way of life.

2. What do you love most about yoga?
I love the humbleness of yoga. There is no end goal. We are what we are in this moment and that’s all. This is a vastly different approach than what we have we been conditioned to believe the laws of the world are.

3. What is your favorite pose and why?
Savasana – Complete Surrender

4. What do you do to stay inspired or motivated in your own practice?
I like to keep things fresh and practice non-attachment in every class. Sometimes I could go deeper into a pose and choose not to. Sometimes I don’t want to go deeper into a pose and I choose to.

5. Feel free to share anything else if you like.
Deep understanding and complete acceptance for what is has a profound effect on what will be. These are the seeds of peace.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” (Lao Tzu)

Hello friends. My name is Alyssa. I was recently asked if writing this blog for the Pilgrimage website is something that would interest me. Frankly, I am quite excited at the prospect. What’s that? You want me to share my thoughts/emotions/ideas with others? I’m in. Totally.

First, a little about me. I’m a 31 year old yoga instructor. I completed my Teacher Training in 2010 through Pilgrimage of the Heart’s yoga alliance certified program. I’m originally from Ohio, but since I’ve lived in San Diego for 10 years now, I think it’s safe say this is home. I love camping, cooking, rock climbing, and puppies. (I mean, come on. . . who doesn’t love puppies?) While I do enjoy long walks on the beach, I prefer challenging hikes to the tops of mountains. There are some great ones right here in San Diego county. Catch me in the studio sometime and I’ll tell you all about them!

Now, a little about you. Yep, I mean you. The ones who make this studio what it is. . . the staff, teachers, students, and members. This is what I know about you. You come to yoga to breathe. You stretch and smile in gentle classes, and you sweat and push in hot classes. You close your eyes and sing ancient Sanskrit songs at music meditation, and you walk out of Courtney’s Sunday meditations feeling transformed. You offer hugs and smiles at every opportunity. You create a sense of community that has an almost magnetic draw. Basically, you are awesome. (If you haven’t had the opportunity to visit one of the studios yet, stop by sometime. You’ll see what I mean!)

Metaphorically speaking, it’s so very nice to meet you! I think we’re going to have a lot of fun together. Sometimes I feel like a baby in this world of yoga. . . there’s so much to learn, so much room for growth. Having the opportunity to share these revelations is such a gift.

I look forward to exploring all this life of yoga and this world of blogging have to offer. And I’m not alone; I have you to share it all with! If what Lao Tzu says is true, then I’ve got a long way to go. I look forward to every step along the way. Consider this my first, single step.

In gratitude,
Alyssa

1. What first brought you to yoga?
I started yoga about six years ago with my little brother as a way for us to share something together after he had moved out of my home and in with roommates. At first, it was a time for us to share two hours a week together doing something physical for our bodies. After class, we would usually get a bagel together and talk about life, love and just about everything under the sun. I cherished those moments together and looked forward to our weekly brother-sister bonding sessions. Those were very special times in my life.
2. What do you love most about yoga?
I love the feelings of supreme gratitude that I receive from practicing yoga, on and off the mat. When I am in class, I am grateful for my body, my breath, my sense of aliveness and life. When I am off the mat, I try my best to bring that sense of gratitude with me throughout my day and to all situations and with all people. It is sometimes a challenge, but still I try.
3. What is your favorite yoga pose and why?
My two favorite poses have to be Pigeon and Tree, each for different reasons. In Pigeon, I feel the ultimate feeling of surrender to the Earth, myself and the Goddess within. I love Tree pose for the vibrancy and connectedness I feel, with my roots grounding me and my branches uplifting me. These poses bring me much joy and I am smiling now, just thinking of them.
4. What do you do to stay inspired or motivated in your own practice?
To stay inspired in my own practice, I think of my little brother, Garrett. He died suddenly about a year and a half ago. Today I use his old yoga mat for my practice. Whenever I am on that mat I feel my little brother and his presence so strongly. I feel connected to his Spirit and all that he was and continues to be. I am able to speak with him when I am on my/his mat, even if there are no words. I feel inspired and renewed.

A Mantra for Writers

Last year, my hands staged a revolt against writing. Tingling fingertips and swollen knuckles often roused me from the deepest sleep and I would stare at my stiff digits, wondering if I’d sprouted lobster claws overnight. My doctor said it was carpal tunnel syndrome, borne of too many hours of typing out the novel. I couldn’t afford the recommended weekly acupuncture treatments, and taking time off from writing was not an option, so I signed up for the new student promo at Pilgrimage of the Heart Yoga – two weeks of unlimited classes.

Stretched out on in corpse pose at the close of that first class convinced me that yoga was the way to go. Beyond the serene physicality of sun salutations, following directions offered a delicious opportunity to turn control over to someone else. That’s when I realized writers need periodic breaks from playing God: who knew manipulating characters and composing scenes was so exhausting? What a relief to have someone tell me what to do for a change.

Soon I was doing yoga five days a week. The carpal tunnel pain dissipated and my posture improved, but over time another, totally unexpected benefit came to light: yoga helped me write better.

Whenever a plot knot blocked the writing, I would stop and take a yoga break. The meditative hour replenished the creative juices and a solution to the creative puzzle invariably surfaced as I walked home from vinyassa class.

Taking it one step further, I joined Heather’s two-day vegetarian yoga retreat at a camp in Descanso last spring. One of the weekend’s highlights was a silent meditation hike. Instead of talking, Heather instructed us to compose a short personal mantra, mentally chanting one word for each step taken, over and over till we returned to the bottom of the hill.

Alas, mental mantras turned out not to be my strongest suit.

Marching uphill my mental mantra went: I’m. Writing. A great. Novel. Tramping downhill it had somehow devolved into I’m. Eating. The pork. Belly. Same cadence, different dream.

Feeling very Kung Fu Panda, I kept on with my practice and returned to Descanso that fall for a second retreat. This time we learned to make vision boards that would help ‘manifest’ our goals. By then I was working on the novel’s final chapters, so I manifested a finished manuscript, literary representation, a publishing contract … and just for the heck of it, Oprah’s Book Club.

Despite my initial skepticism, manifesting turned out to be a powerful tool. Shortly before Christmas the novel was done; by February a literary agent signed me on and in April, Penguin came through with a book deal.

I can’t get on anyone’s book club till the novel sees print, but practicing yoga, meditating and manifesting will no doubt help me survive the revision process. Did I eat the pork belly? Of course. All I have to do now is get Oprah to read my book.

Post script: And if after reading my story, you still doubt this whole manifesting/vision board business, consider this: Last month my novel won the Grand Prize at the Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature, the Philippine’s oldest, most prestigious literary competition. It is my country’s version of the Pulitzer Prize. Next week I’m going home to attend the awards ball in Manila, flying on the wings of a dream.

What first brought you to yoga?
I first found yoga as a young woman fresh to New York City. The Jivamukti yoga center was the calm at the center of a storm of auditions, rejections, financial struggles, hopes, fears, and all that went with making it in the competitive professional dance scene as I stretched my wings. In addition to grounding me and providing a home, it also was my first practice in the lesson that home is inside of you no matter where you are and what swirls around.

What do you love most about yoga?
What I most love about teaching yoga is seeing people’s faces after class. It is so different then when they walked into the studio. The transformation is literally written on smoother brows, brighter eyes, and a more open face. There is something intimate and delightful about sharing this transformation.

What is your favorite pose and why?
It is tree, for a while it was Trikonasana but for most of my life it has been tree! Why? The simplicity, the presence, the swaying of an entire room of trees, the gentle commitment it takes…you grip and grasp too hard and it is gone. If you don’t commit enough, it is gone… you align and keep aligning and there it is–rooting and growing.

What do you do to stay inspired or motivated in your own practice?
I approach yoga from other limbs (mindfulness practices and Buddhism), read spiritual texts, learn from great teachers, cultivate and guard the space and time I have in my life to practice, and share with others–also doing yoga outside inspires me.

Namasté
~Julianne